The only thing he ever feared
by AnnaMoonlight
Summary: Harry remembers the person who dies in HP 5...SPOILER


Title: The only thing he ever feared

Author: AnnaMoonlight

Spoiler: HP 5

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me…because otherwise, a certain Animagus would be alive!!

Author's Note: I am in a state of shock. Yesterday evening I read HP 5…and I have to admit, that it was the last thing I expected. Sirius DEAD…that's cruel! I´m not saying this, just because he is (WAS *cries*) my favourite character, but because of Harry. This boy lost his parents when he was one year old…when he was thirteen, he met his godfather, the closest thing he had to a parent…and two years later, Sirius is DEAD?! Harry lost his second father…so, now tell me, WHAT is cruel. Yesterday, I cried three hours and today, I started again just when wake up. Now, I am not crying – I have no more tears. I am not sure, if I can read another HP-Book. We will see. 

But I HAVE to talk to somebody about HP 5. Please, PLEASE write me ( annaschnacki@compuserve.de ) – I HAVE to discuss Sirius's death. 

This story is something, I wrote when I wake up this morning. It's VERY fluffy and depressing…but I have to write about Sirius, otherwise I am getting completely insane! And my English is not very good today – hey, I am crying while I´m writing this (again)!

**The only thing he ever feared**

Harry sat on this bed, gazed at the stars and felt completely desperate. He thought, he was getting over Sirius's death – but he has thought wrong. Uncle Vernon just said something like "Yes, you will have to clean the car, are you writing to your godfather right now?!"

That was too much. Harry has ran to his room and started to cry, the hardest he has ever cried in his life. Sirius was dead…and there was nothing, he could do against it. 

Harry gazed at he stars, searching for a certain one. There he was. Sirius, the brightest star in the sky. 

"You were my brightest star, Sirius," Harry whispered. "And I…I never told you, how much I love you."

He sobbed and for the first time since Sirius's death, Harry remembered. He remembered all the things, Sirius said to him, all the things he has done for him…

He remembered the hours in the Shrieking Shack…Sirius's explanations, his rage…

He remembered…

_"Believe me," croaked Sirius. "Believe me. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them."_

Oh, yes, from this second on, he has believed everything, Sirius said…he has trusted him more than anyone in the world. 

He remembered how Sirius has smiled, after he has agreed to live with him. How happy Sirius was…and how happy he was to leave the Dursleys. 

He remembered what he said to Hermione, after his name was thrown in the Goblet of fire in his fourth year and said, that he has to write Sirius about it. 

_"He came back to the country just because my scar twinged. He'll probably come bursting right into the castle if I tell him someone's entered me for the Triwizard Tournament…"_

Yes, he played the cool one in front of Hermione – but he was so delightful, that Sirius cares so much about him…

He remembered so much…Sirius's letters, always filled with comments like _"Be careful"_, _"Look after yourself" or _"I am worried about you"_…_

God, his godfather should have been worried about _himself…_

Harry was shaking hard now. He sobbed louder, did not care about the Dursleys.

He remembered the fight with Mrs. Weasley in Sirius's house…

_"He is not your son," has Sirius said to Mrs. Weasley. _

_"He's as good as," has Mrs. Weasley responded. "Who else has he got?"_

_"He's got me!"_

_"Yes," has Mrs. Weasley said, her lip curling, "the thing is, it's been rather difficult for you to look after him while you've been locked up in Azkaban, hasn't it?"_

Sirius looked so hurt…but Harry has said nothing. Why? Why hasn't he defended Sirius? Why hasn't he said something that would have shown Mrs. Weasley that she has gone too far, that he loves Sirius like a father? 

But he hasn't said a damn thing. 

He remembered Sirius's hug, so brief, but so comforting. Hasn't he had the strange feeling that he wouldn't see his godfather again this day? But he has ignored it. 

He remembered Sirius's last words, just directed to him.

_"Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville and run!"_

This sentence, this order…in a creepy way it looks like so much like the last thing, his father said to his mother the moment before he died. 

_"Lily, take Harry and go!"_

Harry covered his face in his hands, tears were streaming down his face. _Sirius, why?_

Harry remembered very clear, what Dumbledore said to him in his office after Sirius died. 

_"Like the fact that the person Sirius cared most about in the world was you," has Dumbledore said quietly. "Like the fact that you were coming to regard Sirius as a mixture of father and brother. Voldemort knew already, of course, that Sirius was in the Order, and that you knew where he was – but Kreacher's information made him realise that the one person for whom you would go to any lengths to rescue was Sirius Black."_

Now Harry was crying with such desperation, that Sirius would have rolled over in his grave when he heard it. 

Sirius's letters, his advices, his caring behaviour…how was Harry supposed to survive without it? He couldn't. He just couldn't. 

He looked up slowly and his view fell on his bedside table, where Sirius's knife, a Christmas present, was. He took it slowly. Some of the blades were really dangerous…

Harry lifted the knife to his heart. Just one little thrust and it will be over…he would be with Sirius…forever and ever. 

Harry gulped. Then his view fell on Hedwig. She would not have much to do…no letters from Sirius anymore…

That was it. Harry did not hesitate…he rammed the blade in his breast. 

The world changed. There was pain, terrible pain…Harry couldn't see a thing…

And there was light. A warm shining light. It was beautiful…Harry went in the direction, where it came from. 

_I am coming. We will be together, Snuffles…Padfoot…Sirius…Dad. _


End file.
